Monday, November 7, 2011

Why didn't I think of that?

Today I received a Groupon offer that could change my life. It was for 50% off a pair a Hot Pants. Now, don't get me wrong, I love a great pair of pink stretchy pants from the 60's, but high-waisted, skin tight black lycra? Not so much.

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The selling feature? Apparently these attractive shorts actually make you sweat 80% more during exercise, in order to get rid of cellulite-causing toxins. Yippee! Just want I've always wanted: my (80% more) sweaty ass encased in black toxin-soaked lycra! You know, that almost makes me want to go to the gym right now.

Alas, I don't have any Hot Pants. And never will. It's shocking the things that women will spend their hard-earned cash on in an effort to slim down, smooth out and youth-ify. If we all just say no, maybe the brainiac marketers could turn their attention to things that really matter? Like doors that are too heavy to hold open and push a stroller through at the same time, or ziploc baggies that don't zip worth a damn? The fact that someone, somewhere, is making money on crap like Hot Pants is enough to make me fall right off the back of a treadmill (that is, if ever I was to set foot ON one).

Where's the Groupon for two for one chocolate mousse cake?

This blog will return to it's regularly scheduled crafty business very soon. Just couldn't let this one go by without a mini-rant.


31 comments:

Andrea C said...

I'll raise a glass to that!

pinksuedeshoe said...

Haha. Amen. Amazing what discoveries could be made if the world put aside extra sweaty lycra research in favor of something a bit more worthwhile.

Heather D. said...

harharhar. Considering I don't exercise, I would clearly have no use for these. ;-) Let me know when you hear about that chocolate mousse cake. :)

Andrea said...

Can you imagine wearing these during a Hot Yoga session? LMAO

Eryn said...

I got the same Groupon offer but I'm not as wise as you... I actually almost considered the notion for a moment. Then remembered that I don't exercise. Where's the 2 for 1 wine coupons when you need them??

Katie B. said...

Ah ha ha ha! Love this! Groupon is always after me for some liposuction/Botox/teeth whitening procedure. The nerve!

Live a Colorful Life said...

Carry on with the rant. I'm totally on board with the two-for-one chocolate and wine!

Elizabeth D. said...

Too funny!! I would absolutely crack up if that wound up in my Inbox :) And yes, where is that chocolate two-for-one???

Kaelin said...

C'mon now! You know there's nothing sexier than a woman stuffed into a pair of lycra shorts looking like a sweaty sausage casing *wink*

Reminds me of that episode of Modern Family when Cameron is wearing the "inappropriate" bike shorts, lol!

Kathy P said...

Sweaty hot pants - no way! Free wine - count me in!!!!

PinkGranny said...

I believe at that I will lift my glass of wine to my lips and savor every last drop. Why are there still so many who don't know that if it "sounds to good to be true"...it is!

Krista said...

yeah, running in those hot pants looks like a blast! Sheesh! But yes, don't you wish you would think of things like this?

I think this calls for a glass of wine too. And maybe some ice cream. And definitely NOT a run on the treadmill.

MariQuilts said...

Still laughing!!!!

Lynne (Lily's Quilts) said...

Well that made me laugh A LOT!

Flying Blind... said...

The whole idea is you wear these until you have to buy the other pants (probably made by the same people) that make your butt look bigger - genius!

Sew Create It - Jane said...

ewww...I think I'll keep my cellulite thanks! :o)

Marie said...

Right on sister!

carol said...

I used to get the Groupon offers. I wonder what happened? Perhaps I also didn't buy enough lycra shorts! LOL

Kristie said...

LOL! Three cheers for sweaty asses, that is too funny. Nope, not on my shopping list either!

Aliceart said...

Yeah, I'm menopausal. I get an 80% sweatier butt for free! That's an even bigger savings! ;-)

♥Duff said...

did someone say Chocolate Mousse cake?

Needled Mom said...

Amazing!!!! I wonder if they work. ;~)

Nina Lise Moen said...

Thanks goodness for brilliant marketing people, where would the world be and how would we survive without them!

Dianne said...

If my ass looked like the one in the picture I wouldn't need their damned highwaistedtoxinsucking hot pants I'd be at your house eating chocolate mousse cake!!
Thanks for the morning laugh, you crack me up!!!

nicolette at dutchcomfort said...

This cracks me up, would they really work?

Hot pants, they remind me of the early 70’s when I had a purple coloured hot pant and a purple/yellow striped top which were sold to me in a fashion boutique by a very clever lady. I felt like a bumblebee and wore the outfit only once!

dutch sisters said...

Laughing out loud here!!!

Kristen said...

LOL!

randi said...

too funny!

Terri said...

OMG, I just laughed harder then I have in ages, thank you

Tammy Vasser said...

Who knew you could rant like the rest of us. Nearly fell out of my chair laughing! Thanks, I needed that today.

Bearpawquilter said...

Amen! I totally agree and don't get me started on Walmart! That's my rant of choice. N